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Poetry and Writings

GOLD FLECKED BLUE STONE


(I SO ALMOST DIDN'T POST THIS BUT I HAVE TO SOMETIMES HURT IS IMPORTANT TO SAY EVEN IF NO ONE SEES IT)

GOLD FLECKED BLUE STONE

WAKING UP IN PAIN

THINKING I WILL

ENDURE IT

TO HAVE A GOOD

TIME NO

MATTER WHAT

SO SHORT

WHEN MOMENTS

ARE GONE

THEY ARE GONE

FOREVER

I TRY SO HARD

NOT TO GET

UPSET

AT HOW

THINGS GO

SOMETIMES

ITS VERY HARD

AND CUTS

VERY DEEP

LONELINESS

CONSUMES

FROM THE LACK

OF CARING

AND SELFISHNESS

OF OTHERS

NO DETAILS

GIVEN

I WALKED DOWN

ENJOYING

THE MOMENTS

LOOKING AT

THE LEAVES

CHANGING

COLORS

NOT YET FALLEN

THE COOLNESS

WAS REFRESHING

IN THE AIR

THE WARMTH

OF THE CIDER

COMFORTING

THE PEOPLE

BEING PEOPLE

DIDN’T BOTHER

ME SO MUCH

THEN I GET

THE SURPRISE

HI

ITS MY KID

WE GO FIND

A CURB

TO SIT ON

AND I LISTEN

TO HER

TALK

SMILING

AND ENJOYING IT

TREASURING

IT

THEY SAY

WE JUST GOT HERE

SO AFTER A FEW MINUTES

CHATTING

WE ARE GETTING

UP TO GO

WALK AROUND

SPEND SOME TIME

TOGETHER

AND

THEY GET THE

PHONE CALL

WE ARE LEAVING NOW

MY KID

SAYS WHY SO EARLY

I HAVEN’T

GOTTEN TO DO

MUCH

OR SPEND

MUCH TIME

I SAY WELL

LETS ENJOY IT

AS WE WALK

TO THE CENTER

WE CHAT MORE

ON BOOKS

SHE IS READING

WE SIT

CAUSE THEY

DON’T SEEM

TO BE IN A HURRY

SHE CHATS

A FEW MINUTES MORE

THEY IGNORE US

THEN THEY SAY

ARE YOU READY

SHE SAYS

I AM JUST

DISCUSSING

A BOOK

WITH MOM

BUT THAT ENDS IT

SO I HUG HER

AND THEY

GO TO EAT

OUT AT SOME PLACE

AND I AM

NOT ASKED TO SHARE

IN IT

I AM NOT ASKED

EVEN WHEN

I SAY

ALL I HAVE AT HOME

IS POTATOES

I WON’T POST THIS

I CAN’T

BUT THE HURT

IT BRINGS

IS SO DEEP

RIGHT NOW

I WANT TO

POST IT ALL

HOW UNWANTED

CAN ONE FEEL

SHE CALLS OUT

TO HIS MOM

SAYING MOM

I AM READY

HE GOES

BUT DONT

SAY THAT

IN FRONT OF YOUR

MOM

AND I SAY

ITS OKAY

WHEN INSIDE

IT JUST RIPPED

INTO MY SOUL

I KNOW I

HAVE BEEN

REPLACED

SHE NEVER

CALLS ME

I ALWAYS TALK TO HER

I ALWAYS MAKE

THE EFFORT

SO TO SEE

HER TODAY

WAS NICE

BUT IT WAS

SO SHORT LIVED

AND SO

DONE WRONG

LATER ON

FACEBOOK

I SEE THE OTHER

MOM’S POST

WE LEFT EARLY

BECAUSE

WE COULDN’T STAND

THE CROWDS

SO THE FACT

THEY SAID THEY

WERE HUNGRY

WAS

SO MUCH MORE

WRONG

THERE WAS

TONS OF FOOD

THERE

NO THEY

WANTED

A CERTAIN PLACE

AND I COULDN’T

GO FOR THREE REASONS

ONE

I HAD NO MONEY

TO EAT

A DINNER

I WOULD HAVE HAD

TO BORROW MONEY

AND

THEY WOULD HAVE

HAD TO BRING ME HOME

SO IN PAIN

I WALKED HOME

IN PHYSICAL PAIN

AND EMOTIONAL PAIN

I LEFT

WITH MY HEAD DOWN

AND DIDN’T LOOK

BACK

NOW I AM JUST

SAD

THE HAPPY MOMENT

WAS STOLEN

AND ALTERED

CATASTROPHE

MAKING MY

HEART ACHE

IN A SORROW

I CAN’T REPLACE

THIS

UNWANTED

FEELING

DEEP DOWN

FROM THE

ONES I

SHOULD BE

CLOSEST TOO

AND

I AM NOT

I AM CLOSER

TO FRIENDS

AND SOMETIMES

EVEN STRANGERS

THAN THAT

SUCH A HORRIBLE

FEELING

I AM A STRONG

PERSON

AND WILL BE ALRIGHT

YET

THE HURT

LINGERS LIKE

SMOKE

FILLING

THE LUNGS AND

KILLING

EVERYTHING

SLOWLY

I DON’T KNOW

HOW MUCH

MORE

I CAN TRULY

TAKE

WHY AM

I SO STUCK

IN A PLACE

WHERE

I AM NOT WANTED

AND LEFT

ALONE

BY THOSE

I LOVE

THE MOST

I TRULY

DON’T

UNDERSTAND IT

IF I COULD

LEAVE

AND NEVER

LOOK BACK

WOULD SHE

EVEN MISS ME

I SO WONDER

I NEVER EVER

TREATED MY

OWN MOTHER

WITH SUCH

WAYS

AND SHE

DID ME SO WRONG

BY DISOWNING ME

OVER THE FACT

I TOLD

PEOPLE

I WAS GAY

THERE ARE SOMETHINGS

IN LIFE

THAT CUT YOU

TO THE DAMN BONE

SO

I SIT HERE

DRINKING MY TEA

AND CRYING

MY EYES OUT

TO THE POINT

I JUST

WANT TO

GO TO SLEEP

AND NOT THINK

ON IT

EVER AGAIN

I CANT LET

THIS HARBOR

SUCH ILLS

IN ME

I HAVE TO LET

GO EVEN MORE NOW

FOR MY

OWN SANITY

I CAN’T

LET IT GET

TO ME

BUT

IT SO HURTS

ALL

IN THE NAME

OF LOVE

AND I AM

SO DENIED

OH I WISH

I COULD BE

LIKE THAT

SMOOTH STONE

I WAS LOOKING AT

THE MIDNIGHT BLUE

WITH GOLD

FLECKS

LIKE A STONE

COLD AND SMOOTH

AND BEAUTIFUL

TO LOOK AT

BUT I AM NOT A STONE

NOR CAN

I STAY SO COLD

IT WOULD

DESTROY MY

HEART

COMPLETELY

TO BE

SO COLD

I WOULDN’T

CARE

FOR ANYONE

AND I

CAN’T

BE LIKE THAT

I CAN’T

OH HOW I WISH

I COULD BE

LIKE MY MOM

OUT OF SIGHT

OUT OF MIND

SIGH

AND SO

I CARRY ON

AND

ENDURE

SOMEHOW

HOPING

THAT ONE

DAY

THINGS

COULD

AND

WOULD

BE