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Poetry and Writings

MY JOY & SADNESS


My Joy & Sadness

S.JENSEN © 2017

AS ALL STORIES GO

ONCE UPON A TIME

THERE WAS SOMEONE

THAT GREW UP FAST

AND LEFT BEHIND

THE JOY OF INNOCENCE

IN THE TEENS

LIKE MOST DO

THAT SO CALLED

RITE OF PASSAGE

TO SOW OUR OATS

OR FLY WITH OUR WINGS

I SO TRIED

THE SOW OF OATS

BUT IT WASN’T TO BE

THAT WAS THE DAY

I KNEW I NEVER

WANTED MY HEART

BROKEN AGAIN

LEFT ON MY BIRTHDAY

FOR MY COUSIN

AT NINETEEN

TOOK WITH ME

A PART OF ME

I CRIED THAT DAY

ON THE PHONE

SEEMS

TO BE A REOCCURRING

THEME IN MY

LIFETIME

AND THAT STARTED IT

TOSSED THOSE THAT

CARED ASIDE

TO HEAL MY OWN

WOUNDS FOR A FEW YEARS

I DIDN’T CARE

WHO I HURT

AS LONG AS I GOT

WHAT I FELT I WAS OWED

TIL I SAID NO MORE

THAT WASN’T

THE REAL ME

SO I LEFT IT BEHIND

WHEN MY FLESH

AND BLOOD

TOOK ANOTHER PART

OF MY HEART AWAY

WITH HIS DEATH

I WALKED COLDLY

INTO A NEW WORLD

WHERE I DROWNED MYSELF

IN INTERNAL SORROW

ACTING LIKE A KID

GONE WILD

AND YET STUDIED

TIL I GOT SOMEWHERE

I FELT I BELONGED

BUT THAT WAS

RUINED IN THE

MOMENT TO SHOW OFF

TO PEERS

THAT COST ME

YEARS AND YEARS

OF A HEARTACHE

I FELL FOR SOMEONE

AND THEY KNEW IT

AND USED IT

TO THERE ADVANTAGE

TIL AGAIN

I SAID NO MORE

LOSING MORE THAN

I COULD STAND

I SAT THERE

IN MY CAR

THINKING IT OVER

AND OVER

BUT SAID NO

IT WAS MY LIFE

AND I SHOULD NEVER

LET ANYONE

GET ME TO THAT POINT

EVER AGAIN

IT HURT TO LET THEM GO

AND WALK AWAY

THEN I WAS STRUCK

WITH A MIRACLE

CHANGED MY LIFE

I WAS GOING DOWN

HILL FAST

SHE CAME AND SAVED ME

I LOVE HER

MORE AND MORE

MY DAUGHTER

I WALKED BACK

HOME LIKE THE WANDERING

SON BUT A WANDERING

DAUGHTER

SWALLOWED THE

LOOKS AND THE SO

CALLED SHAME

AT TWENTY SIX

TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT

LET THE PERSON IN

THAT LATER

SHATTERED SO MUCH

WHEN I HAD

ENOUGH

AND SAID GO

I NEVER WANT TO

SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN

FOR I KNOW

WHAT YOU DONE

AND

I CAN’T STAND YOU

HE LEFT FOR GOOD

IN AND OUT

OF PEOPLE

LEFT AND

RIGHT AGAIN

IN ANY WAY I COULD

THEN I WAS BORED

TIRED AND FELT

SO LOST

FOUND A FEW

I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST

AND BE MYSELF AROUND

LOST THAT IN

ONE NIGHT

WHEN SOMEONE

BROKE INTO MY HOME

CHANGED MY LIFE

FOR GOOD

TRUST WOULD NEVER

COME EASY AGAIN

I TURNED TO MAGIC

TO FIND WAYS

TO CHANGE THE NEGATIVES

TO BRING POSITIVES

ALL THAT DID

WAS SHOW ME

THE CAUSE AND EFFECT

OF THE WAY

THINGS ARE

WALKED AWAY

AS EVEN MY OWN

MOTHER DIDN’T

UNDERSTAND

THE CHANGES IN ME

AS I WAS OPENING

UP TO WHO I REALLY

FELT I WAS AND BELONGED

SO

THE HEART GOT

BROKEN AGAIN

WHEN I HAD TO LEAVE

YET THE TRUST

I PUT IN THE WRONG

DIRECTION AGAIN

ALMOST COST ME

MY LIFE AND MY KIDS LIFE

THE ONE THAT SAVED ME

I SAID FROM

THEN ON

I WOULD DO NOTHING

BUT PROTECT HER

LIFE

AND LEFT EVERYONE

AND EVERYTHING

TO KEEP HER SAFE

LOSING SO MUCH

IN BETWEEN

AND AGAIN

CRYING AT THE END

OF A PHONE

ON A STREET CORNER

FOR THE LOST

OPPORTUNITIES

I COULD NOT

DO ANYTHING ABOUT

BUT LET IT GO

WHY DID I WALK

AWAY

BROKEN THREE TIMES

OVER

I SAID I WOULD

NOT LET MY HEART

GET THAT WAY AGAIN

HAHA

YEAH RIGHT

I ALWAYS FOUND

TROUBLE OR SHOULD I

SAY IT FOUND ME

AND I ALWAYS FOUGHT IT OFF

AND SURVIVED

ALWAYS ON THE

OUTSIDE OF THINGS

NEVER KNOWING

THE ACTUAL

ONES THAT

CAUSED HELL

BUT STAYED AWAY

FROM THEM

OR GOT AWAY

WHEN I COULD

YET UNDER MY NOSE

AGAIN I FELL INTO IT

AND FOR TEN YEARS

I FOUGHT TO KEEP

A FAMILY I MADE

TOGETHER

WHEN

THERE WAS NOTHING

THERE BUT A

DREAMWORLD

WHICH ENDED

IN MY LOVES LIFE TAKEN

BY HER OWN HAND

I KEPT MY KID SAFE

IN IT ALL

BUT LOST THE OTHER

TWO OF HERS

HURT SO BAD

NEVER EVER TO BE

ABLE TO SEE THEM

AGAIN

SO THE FAMILY

WAS AGAIN BROKEN

NOT BY ME

BUT THOSE AROUND ME

CUT DEEPLY

THOUGH I THOUGHT

I WAS READY

I SOON REALIZED I WASN’T

YOU DON’T JUST

GET BACK INTO

LIFE THINKING

ALL IS GOOD

WHEN IT ISNT

I BLAMED MYSELF

FOR TWO YEARS

FADED DOWN

LET MY HEALTH ISSUES

TAKE OVER

AND NOT FIGHT

THEN

I FOUND SOMEONE

I HAD LOST

AND THEN ANOTHER

AND ANOTHER

AND ANOTHER

ALL WERE COMING

BACK

FRIENDS I CARED ABOUT

WERE IN TOUCH AGAIN

NOT THE SAME

NOR DID I EXPECT IT

TO BE

KID I HAD PROTECTED

ALL THESE YEARS

GREW UP

AND FOUND HER

SOMEONE

TO BASICALLY

TAKE MY PLACE

I FELT SO HELPLESS

THAT TOOK MY

PURPOSE OUT

THE DOOR

I HAD TO FIND

SOME WAY

TO GATHER MY IDENTITY

OF PURPOSE

BACK

RAN INTO A PERSON

THAT UNKNOWING

TO THEM

GAVE ME THAT

WILL TO FIGHT AGAIN

THAT WILL TO

GO FORWARD

TO NOT FADE AWAY

SOMEONE I LOVED

LONG AGO

AND COULDNT FIND

NO MATTER HOW HARD

I TRIED JUST

IN A BLINK WAS

THERE

YET NOT THERE

HOWEVER

BECAUSE

OF THAT CHANCE

MEETING AGAIN

IT GAVE ME

A LIFE BACK

A HEART TO FIGHT

ON AND FOR

AND GAVE ME THE

CHANCE TO KNOW

HOW PRECIOUS

THINGS AND PEOPLE

REALLY ARE

EVEN WHEN LOST

THERE CAN BE

SOMETHING

TO HOLD THE HEART

STEADY IN SOME

DIRECTION OF GOOD

FRIENDS WITH HEARTS

THAT REST INSIDE

ALWAYS STRONG

BRINGING ME

THE WILL TO FIGHT

AND

I GOT MY CREATIVE

MUSE BACK

AND BEEN

WORKING THAT

FOR FEW YEARS NOW

STILL LONELY