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Poetry and Writings

BURNT BRIDGES


BURNT BRIDGES

S.JENSEN © 2017

I need...

I need to go to sleep or get coffee

I am so tired

and its so god damn silent

do I sit here

and treasure

this individualism

or

find a strong drink

to wash sorrows

away

for a time

I just couldn’t do

a darn thing about

and yet

I still love her

in my heart

so bloody damn fucking

much

but I have to

keep going

doing

what I do

to stay ok

a roof over head

and hang

with friends

all

with their others

and I sit here

by myself

I hold the pillow

sometimes

sometimes I cry

sometimes I don’t

think on it

any more

I don’t talk

about it at all

cause

its just where

it is

so I hang

with them hoping

passing the time

will take

my mind off

the fact

my bed is so

lonely

still

six years

and I still don’t

know what

to do

or how to

really... anymore

but just

be and exist

in some hope

that my soul-mate

knows

out there

somewhere

cause I can’t

seem to do damn bloody

thing

to make a difference

some options

pop in the door

and

I am like no

best friends

so at night

I tell them

go home

just go home now

and

say out

the door as they

leave I love you too

and I do

but its not the same

so not the

same

one says what

would I do without you

and all I can

think about

is if I only wanted you

but I can’t

I don’t know

how to explain

that anymore

I chat with my kid

or I see her sometimes

its a surprise

like yesterday

we got oh maybe five minutes

but she came up

and tapped me

and said boo

freaked me out

but I knew instantly

it was her

best five minutes

of the day

and yet its always

hard to watch her

go her way

and I go mine

the things that

changed

and

so changed did they

so I keep busy

painting

and

creating projects

to fill the hole

that exists

and

nothing compares

no one compares

its like

that etched

prism

on the stone

shaped and molded

and shining

when light hits it

and

so far

its there

and I am on the

outside

spread out

and waiting

for a love

to come back

in to my life

that human

contact

that can’t

replace anything

but oh how

it so fills me

with inspiration

to create on

a higher level

than where

its just blah

now

yet as a friend

reminded me

yesterday

I have high

standards

guess

its cause

I don’t want

to be hurt again

cause my

relationships

kinda have

a tragedy point to them

some start fast

and end fast

some last long

and fade away

some just never

get to the point

they could be

and remain

in the friend zone

mostly my fault

sometimes I say

yes

and sometimes

I say

no

sometimes I so run

away

when I see any sign

of crazier than me

the nutty kind

and for a good reason

now

I so need that

intensity

that intimacy

that

gathered comfort

of just being

in someones arms

that cares

and then I think

oh but know

all that goes with it

can you deal with it

do you want that

and where can

you find

something

that you have never

had and yet

you see it everywhere

there is a side

of me that is

so romantic

and sometimes even

raw but it is what it is

so long

with nada

not even a kiss

that sparked my thrill

that chemistry

thing

that zing

so I stay by myself

and single

sitting here

the thoughts of that

slow touch

that tingle in the fingers

the twirl of the tongue

and

the sweet caresses

oh they still

fill my mind

and then

I walk away

cause there

isnt anyone

that I think would

even cross that line

with me…

or if we did

oh it would be

a mistake

and that would

end what friendships

I got now

cause it always does

so I don’t approach it

oh how cool

this water of my jug

can get

and push others away

or never

to even try

that never

to try thing

screams in my ears

so I don’t go there

I don’t think on it

I just continue

but sometimes

its so hard

knowing

that maybe the only

one that could have

been my eternal

soul-mate

decided that

it wasn’t to be

and left me here

alone

oh love

where did you go

from me

how can I get

a love to

let me be me

and be so

strong that just

being around each other

is enough

to do together

same things

and not separate

and yet if we

want to do separate

things we can

and then come back

later when we meet

that unconditional

point where

no one is jealous

no one questions

no one walks

on the egg shells

that someone

could be

really good for me

cause

so many set me

on the egg shells

and I am like

nope just go

I won’t walk that

path again

sorry like you and all

but nope

I won’t do it

as a friend I do it

enough as it is

oh to my dreams

and this

single life

by choice

maybe

but their just

don’t seem to be

anyone

that fits that

spot

so sometimes

I may seem crazy

and nutty

cause I am so cautious

and talk too much

on the past

but I don’t live in it

there I live here

and now

well another

bridge

that eternally burns

and no one

willing to

cross it

to get to me.

so I guess there

are just too many

burnt bridges...

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