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Poetry and Writings

LISTENING


LISTENING

S.JENSEN © 2017

SEEMS I DO

THIS A LOT

LISTENING

AND BEING THE

SOUNDING BOARD

FOR MANY A FRIEND

I AM WHAT

GROUNDS THEM

AND HELPS THEM

JUST BY ME

BEING HERE

TODAY I WENT

BY A PLACE

I LIKE TO EAT

AND GOT A HUG

FROM THE WAITRESS

CAUSE

SHE KNOWS

AND I AM SOUNDING

BOARD

FOR SO MANY

I CAN’T ALWAYS

GIVE ADVICE

BUT I AM HERE

I AM ALWAYS HERE

ITS WHO I AM

SO I KNOW

ITS PART OF IT

SMILE

I DON’T MIND IT

AT ALL

CAUSE I CARE

REALLY CARE

THINGS CHANGE

SO MUCH

AND IT IS WHAT IT IS

I DIDN’T WANT

TO HAVE TO

REMAIN HERE

I SO WANTED

AND NEEDED

AND CARED

BUT SEEMS

WE DON’T ALWAYS

GET WHAT WE WANT

THAT HALF WAY

THING COULDN’T

BE MADE

SUCKS REALLY

CAUSE DON’T

THINK I WILL

EVER GET TO A POINT

THAT WILL CHANGE

BUT DON’T MEAN

I WON’T STOP

TRYING

TO LEAVE

THE MIRE

AND WORK MY

WAY BACK OUT

OF THIS MUD

I AM STUCK IN

LEGS GIVE ME

MORE TROUBLE

SOMETIMES

THAN USED TO

AND I KNOW

EVENTUALLY

THE INEVITABLE

WILL BE THERE

BUT I FIGURE

THAT IS TEN TO FIFTEEN

YEARS AWAY

SO I DON’T THINK ON IT

I JUST KEEP GOING

KEEPING MY LEGS

AS BEST AS I CAN

HAVE THEM

BUT WHEN I OVER

DO IT MAN OH MAN

IT COMES BACK

TO WALLOP ME

SO

I WATCH WITH

THAT PERISCOPE

OFF AND ON

WHEN I CAN

AND IT NOT

CAUSE ANY

RIPPLES

TO KEEP

I HOPE YOUR HAPPINESS

WHERE IT SHOULD BE

LOVE IS STRANGE

AND HOW

IT CAN

FADE WHEN

YOU REALIZE

YOU ARE THE

ONLY ONE IN IT

YOU ARE THE ONLY

ONE IN LOVE

THAT THE OTHER

HALF THAT

YOU SO WANTED

TO BE

JUST WASN’T

WHAT YOU WISHED

IT COULD BE

AND

SO YOU DON’T

KNOW WHAT TO DO

WHERE TO TURN

HOW TO GO ON

BUT YOU DON’T

HAVE MUCH

CHOICES EITHER

SO YOU DO

WHAT YOU HAVE TO

AND LET

THE HEART LAY

WHERE IT IS

CARRYING ON

AND YET

SO WISHED

IT WOULD HAVE

BEEN DIFFERENT

COULD HAVE BEEN

FINANCES

ALWAYS KEEP

ME FROM DOING

ANYTHING I

WANT TO DO

I MAKE DO

WITH THE LITTLE

I HAVE

AND KEEP TRYING

AND KEEP CREATING

BUT ITS GOTTEN

HARDER

AND HARDER

AS IT GOES

ALWAYS THE

ROOF OVER HEAD

MAYBE GONE

IS NOT SOMETHING

YOU LIKE

HAVE HANGING

OVER YOUR HEAD

LIKE A PENDULUM

SWINGING BACK

AND FORTH

TO THE RUINS

THAT ARE NOW

HOME

AND THE FUTURE

SO UNSURE

AS IT STANDS

RUMORS

HURT IN BOTH DIRECTIONS

ONE CAN RECOVER

BETTER THAN

THE OTHER

NEVER KNEW

SO MANY

COULD MAKE

SUCH A BIG DEAL

OF A FRIENDSHIP

AND CHANGE

THE WAY

MY HEART FEELS

BUT IT DID

AND I SUFFER

FOR IT

IT COULDN’T

EVER LAST

I TELL MY SELF

THAT ALL THE TIME

TO MAKE

IT BETTER

MY LOVE

IS SO

NUMB NOW

AFTER IT ALL

I COULD

TRY AGAIN

WITH SOMEONE

BUT I DON’T

FEEL IT

ITS JUST NOT

THERE

IT WILL ALWAYS

BE FROZEN

FROM THE

MOMENT

IT WASN’T MINE

AND NOT

MUCH I CAN

DO ABOUT

THAT NOW

BUT CARRY

FORWARD

AS WE DO

AND IT

SO COST

ON BOTH SIDES

MORE THAN

IT SHOULD HAVE

SOMETIMES

WE ARE NOT

ALLOWED

THE CHOICES

WE WISH TO

BE

AND SO

YEARS LATER

I AM STILL

WONDERING

HOW CAN I

FIGURE OUT

WHAT TO DO

WITH THIS

HEART OF MINE

AND WHO TO TURN

TOO

WHEN THERE

JUST DON’T SEEM

TO BE ANYONE

THAT DOES ANYTHING

BUT COMFORT

AND

BE SO SO FRIENDS

WHERE IT

IS WORKS FOR THEM

AS LONG AS

THEY GET WHAT

THEY WANT FROM IT

BUT THE MOMENT

YOU ARE IN REAL

NEED

THERE IS NO ONE

AROUND

SO YOU DEAL

WITH IT ALONE

AS ALWAYS

AND TO KNOW

LOVE SO EXISTED

AND SO SPARKED

MY HEART

WHERE IT WAS

SO DEAD AND GONE

SO FAST

IT DID

AND HOW I

WILL NEVER KNOW

THE FULL TRUTH

OF ANY OF IT

JUST ONLY

BITS AND PIECES

BITS AND PIECES

LIKE THE MOSAIC

TILES BROKEN

AND SCATTERED

AROUND

YET WHEN PLACED

JUST SO

THOSE PIECES

BECOME WHOLE

AND A NEW

CREATION

I SO NEED THE

BROKEN PARTS

TO BE MOLDED

AND GROUTED

INTO A NEW

PIECE

HOLDING

MY HEART BY

THREADS

TO FIND

AWAY

TO GO FORWARD

CAUSE IT ALL

I GOT NOW

NOT THAT I WANTED

IT TO BE

LESS THAN IT IS

BUT IT SO

MADE SOMEONE

ANGRY

AND SO IN TURN

MADE ME ANGRY

AND CHANGED

MY HEART

MY DESIRE

FOR ANYONE

AT THIS POINT

IS SO

NOT THERE

ITS NOT FUNNY

I TRY

I SO TRY

BUT I KNOW

KNOW

THINGS MUST HAVE

BEEN ONLY

ON MY SIDE OF THINGS

IT HAD TO BE

ALL JUST

MY IMAGINATION

THAT

WAS HELL

TO FIGHT AND SURVIVE

AND YET

WHERE I WANTED

TO BE

WILL NEVER COME

BACK AROUND

AND WASN’T

ANYTHING I COULD

DO ABOUT IT

BUT LET IT BE

AS IT IS

I DON’T KNOW

ANYMORE

ANYTHING

AT ALL

BUT HOW

I FEEL

HOW I FELT

AND HOW

I SO WOULD FEEL

AND WHERE

I AM AT

RIGHT NOW

IS TRULY

NOT THERE

WHERE IT COULD

BE

SHOULD BE

AND FRANKLY

I HAVE NO IDEA

WHERE TO PUT

THE REASONING

IF THERE IS ANY

BARELY

HANGING ON

AND YET I AM

THE SOUNDING BOARD

FOR SO MANY

I KEEP TRYING

TO FIGURE THAT

ONE OUT

I DON’T HAVE

A SOUNDING BOARD

MYSELF

I WRITE NOTES

TO MYSELF

ALL THE TIME

THEN I DELETE THEM

CAUSE I JUST

DON’T KNOW

WHAT ELSE

TO DO

BUT WRITE

AND LEAVE THE NOTES

TO THE AIR

WHY

NOT SURE ANYMORE

WHY

SEEMS

MY FAVORITE

WORDS

ARE IT IS WHAT IT IS

AND

SIGH

MORE THAN EVER

ITS LIKE

THERE IS NOTHING

TO THAW OUT

THE LIQUID NITROGEN

ROSE

THAT IS SO FROZEN

ALL THATS LEFT

IS FOR IT TO BREAK

INTO A ZILLION PIECES

BUT

IT DOESN’T BREAK

SO IT JUST SITS