top of page

Poetry and Writings

REALITY


REALITY

S.JENSEN © 2017

LISTENING TO MUSIC

FROM AGES AGO

IT SEEMS

AND YET NOT

THAT LONG AGO

HOW ONE

CAN BE SO BLIND

AND LET GO

OF THE EMOTIONS

THAT SET IT

TO BEGIN

SET IT ALL

ON FLAMES

AND BURNED

THE PAGES

DOWN INTO SOMEWHERE

LEFT ON A

DIGITAL CARD

BUT RARELY

LOOK AT

CAUSE IT WAS

ALL BASED

ON LIES

AND I DIDN’T

WANT TO SEE

IT

OR FEEL IT

OR KNOW IT

AND IT WAS

SO TOLD TO ME

OVER AND OVER

AND I LET IT

CARRY OVER

FOR AWHILE

AFTERWARDS

I SO CHANGED

MY TUNE

FROM THAT

DAY I LISTENED

TO THE MUSIC

PLAY

AND HOW IT

CRASHED ME

AND CRUSHED MY HEART

TO KNOW

HOW COULD

I BE SO WRONG

HOW COULD

I BE SO MESSED UP

IN THAT VIEW

OH IT WAS A LOVE

THAT NEVER EVER

GOT TO BE

CAUSE

OF THE WAY

I WAS SO

DUPED

OVER BY

SOMEONE

AND THAT

HURT BEYOND

HURT

TOOK AWHILE

TO GET OVER

AND ALL IT

BROUGHT ME

SHOWED ME

AND WHERE I AM

TODAY

I LIVED THROUGH

SOMETHING

I CAN’T REALLY

EXPLAIN IT ALL

NOR DO I KNOW

HOW TOO

IT DID INSPIRE ME

TO CHANGE MANY

THINGS IN MY LIFE

WELL TRY TO

ANYHOW

AND FOR THAT

I THANK THE

REAL PERSON

THAT WAS IN MY LIFE

WHOMEVER THEY

WERE

DAYS TURN TO YEARS

AS THE LEAVES

CONTINUE

TO CHANGE WITH

THE SEASONS

LIKE THE LOVE

THAT RESTED

FOR SO LONG IN

MY HEART

LOCKED THERE

AND NOW

ITS LONG

GONE

AND SOME DAYS

I STILL FIND MYSELF

LOOKING TO IT ALL

GOING OH

HOW SUCH A FOOL

I WAS

AND HOW I WAS

SO FREAKING BLIND

AND YET

IT SO CHANGED

MY ENTIRE WORLD

AND IN THIS

LONELY FOUR WALLED

SPACE

ITS HOW IT IS

I MOVED ON

AND I CARRIED IT

IN A FLAME

THAT HELPED

ME CREATE SO FREAKING

MUCH

IN SO MANY LEVELS

AND YET

I AM STILL HERE

AND NOT GOTTEN

VERY FAR

BUT I TRIED

AND I AM STILL

TRYING

NOW AT LEAST

FROM IT ALL

I AM TRYING

SOME DAYS

I WONDER

HOW COULD I

HAVE BEEN

SO WRONG

HOW I LET

IT GET SO

UNDER MY SKIN

SO TURNED IT

INTO SOMETHING

TO GIVE ME

HOPE TO GET

OUT OF THIS

SITUATION

AND MAKE IT

BETTER

IT GOT ME

UP AND DOWN

THE HILL

IT GOT ME

TRYING TO LEARN

MORE

ABOUT HOW

COMPUTERS RUN

INSIDE AND OUT

SO

I HAVE LEARNED

SO MUCH

FROM IT ALL

AND STILL

DON’T EVER

CLAIM TO

KNOW IT ALL

HECK PARTS OF

ME DON’T KNOW

A BLOODY THING

I SIT HERE

SIPPING MY TEA

IN THE FAN

AND MUSIC FLOWING

IN AND OUT

MY EARS

AND STILL

TEARS START

TO SWELL UP

BUT I SWALLOW

THEM DOWN

AS I LET IT GO

HOW SMART

AND YET HOW

STUPID

DID I FALL

AND I NEVER

LET ANYONE

IN EVER

SO THAT WAS

A FIRST

AND WELL

LESSON LEARNED

NEVER AGAIN

AND THAT IS

A FACT

ASKED OVER

AND OVER

TO HAVE

IT BE BROUGHT

TO A REAL

FRIENDSHIP

OR JUST

A PEN PAL THING

LIKE OTHERS I KNOW

AND

YET NEVER

...

THE LETTERS NEVER

CAME

SO ITS SO

NOW LEFT

IN THAT

WELL I TOLD

YOU SO THING

AS MY MIND

SAYS TO THE HEART

STOP BEING BROKEN

OVER

SOMETHING

AND SOMEONE

THAT JUST

REALLY NEVER

WANTED TO BE

OTHER THAN

THE DREAM THEY

FELT WAS

THERE IN LIMBO

LED ME TO

FEEL

AND

SO WHO EVER

THEY ARE

WERE

COULD HAVE

BEEN

MUCH MORE

AND YET

IT NEVER WILL BE

NOW

TAKES A POINT

AND YOU REALIZE

THAT

WELL THOSE

THAT WERE HERE

REALLY DIDN’T

CARE THAT

MUCH AFTER ALL

AND YES

I AM POOR

AND OVERWEIGHT

AND GETTING

AROUND THESE

DAYS SLOWER

THAN BEFORE

WITH A PAIN

THAT I AM LEARNING

TO GET USED TO

BUT IT

NEVER EVER

MEANT I WANTED

ANYTHING

BUT TO BE

IN THE LIFE

OF SOMEONE

THAT SHOWED UP

HERE

ON MY FOUR WALLS

OF ALL THOSE

I CONSIDERED

FRIENDS

I SO

WAS EAGER

FOR THIS

ONE TO LAST

IN SOME FORM

OF REALITY

AND NOT

JUST

THE WEIRD

STRANGE

IN BETWEEN

OF THERE AND HERE

SOMEWHERE

OUT THERE

IN LIMBO

NOW

I CLOSE OFF

THAT PART OF ME

AND TRY TO

GO ON

AGAIN

AS ALWAYS

STRANGE HOW

REALITY

SETS IN

AND YOU ARE

LIKE OH OK

SO THAT IS

THE REAL POINT

OF THIS

LEARNING

TO GET USED

TO BEING ALONE

LEARNING

TO GET USED

TO KNOWING

THAT NOW

THERE IS NO FEAR

AND YET

MY THROAT

CHOKES UP

AND TEARS FALL

WHEN I THINK ON

IT

SO I LET IT GO

WHY DID

I WASTE SO MUCH

EFFORT

AND TIME

ON TRYING

TO GAIN SOMETHING

FROM THIS

CAUSE

THEY TOOK

SO MUCH TIME

TO BE HERE

SO I FIGURED

IT WAS

THE PERSON

I THOUGHT IT WAS

BUT GUESS

AGAIN

I AM WRONG

I NEVER ASKED

ANYTHING

BUT TO HAVE

COMMUNICATION

ON SOME

NORMAL LEVEL

YET DENIED

ALWAYS

AND ALWAYS

THINGS CREATE

ISSUES

THAT ARE SO

UNNECESSARY

SITTING IN MY CHAIR

THINKING ON

WHAT I GOT TO DO

TO DAY

AND

FINDING A WAY

TO DO THAT

AND

SO I WILL

FIND SOME WAY

TO

KEEP GOING

KEEP SURVIVING

AS I HAVE ALWAYS

DONE

JUST NOW

MY HEART DON’T

HAVE ANYTHING

TO MAKE

IT SING

AND BELIEVE

AND HOPE

SO I HAVE TO

CREATE SOMETHING

TO FILL THAT

HOLE

SOME HOW

ALL DRIED

UP THE BLEEDING

IS NOW DONE

SO I HAVE

FINALLY HEALED

FROM IT

ONE THING

I HAVE FROM IT ALL

IS THAT

I WILL

CARRY ON

BY MYSELF

FOR A LONG TIME

NOW

CAUSE

I JUST AM NOT

WILLING

TO GET HURT

AGAIN

NOT YET

NEVER WILL

I LET

SOMEONE